Chevy Chase says “I’m back!” we’re told

Chevy Chase—a former member of the Not Ready for Prime Time Players of Saturday Night Live when it was funny—is waiting by the phone for Saturday Night Live to call and re-hire him we are told by a reliable friend of a friend who said that he heard this might be so. Thus a reliable source.

NAG has learned that while watching One American News with friends, they saw President Joe Biden stumble and fall on the steps leading up to Air Force One. It was reported that he immediately leapt up and stumbled over the coffee table while crying, “I’m back! I can do that!”

In the late ’70s, Chevy Chase used to portray President Gerald Ford stumbling around on Saturday Night Live—when it was funny—after President Ford stumbled on the steps of Air Force One.

We understand that the producers of Saturday Night Live—not funny today—refused to even look at footage of the Biden stumble. It was funny, they claim, when it was a Republican president. The White House informed the media Biden stumbled when he broke wind.

Calendars turn to 2016. Government officials unable to intercede.

calendarWORLD — Last night at about midnight, it appears that it turned to 2016.

Official of the F.B.I. stated that they knew exactly when and where the event would happen, but were powerless to stop it.

“There was really nothing we could do,” an official of the agency told us under conditions of anonymity.

Officials at the Department of Homeland Security have yet to issue a statement.

One source quotes Ahmed Mohamed as saying, “Oh, yeah. You can’t stop the clock.”

Keely Mullen, founder of the Million Student March, stated, “What? When did this—like—happen? The government should have warned us! They need to send us new calendars.”

It is currently unclear what this event means for the near future. Government officials give different versions both good and bad. “But we should concentrate on Battlefield America,” Senator John McCain said. “After all, it is an election year.”

IPhoneConservative teaches Poe’s Law

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A YouTube video was published on May 20, 2015 by IPhoneConservative which will probably go viral without the warning he or she attaches.

For those that understand “Poe’s Law” no further disclaimer is required. For those that don’t………I suggest you look it up.

WikiPedia calls Poe’s Law a “literary adage” and attributes it to a post by Nathan Poe in a 2005 debate on a Christian forum concerning creation v. evolution.

POE’S LAW:

Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is uttrerly [sic] impossible to parody a Creationist in such a way that someone won’t mistake for the genuine article. Source

The idea is that one should mark their statements on the Internet because one cannot see the body language or hear the inflections in the voice of the individual to tell if it is real or sarcasm. This does not apply to writing such as the Right Wing Extremism memorandum.

He was attacking the intelligence of Christians.

IPhoneConservative admitted in one of the comments:

Folks…….this a spoof. It was never intended to be taken as a legitimate news report. Obviously two things are at play here. One, I did the job too well. Two, we have come to the stage in the Obama presidency where quite literally……….anything is possible.

Anything indeed. Just after the initial “election” of Barrack Obama, I received a series of interesting phone calls which I reported on. The most interesting was the audio I was able to obtain.

I do not have statistics on how many people actually fell into the scam. I do not know how many people actually believed that Obama was going to pay for their mortgage, car, gas or Obamaphone.

SEE ALSO:
Conservapedia

Ashton Carter as Secretary of Defense? Are you kidding me?

Wikipedia photo by David Shankbone.

Wikipedia photo by David Shankbone.

This has got to be some kind of “punk,” right? The guy from That ’70’s show as Secretary of Defense?

I mean I know appointees “retire” so quick on him that he has to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find people. But does he have to pick a guy whose closest military experience has been to watch Demi Moore in A Few Good Men and that debacle GI Jane.

I guess he did do some Texas Ranger movie a few years ago. Come on. This is a guy who gets himself in trouble “tweeting.” I mean….

Oh. Wait a minute. That’s Ashton Kutcher. Sorry, dude. Go back to whoever you were punking.

Who is Ashton Carter?

Congress does not authorize free cars for welfare recipients

Fart-in-a-Smart-carA “news” report from Empire News from August of this year seems to be making the rounds and into some alternative web sites. The story concerns Congress approving free automobiles for welfare recipients along the lines of the fraud-plagued Obamaphone system.

The only problem is that Empire News is a satirical web site.

While it is probably the only thing they have not done, the fact remains that Congress has not authorized free motor vehicles to welfare recipients. The article and the accompanying e-mail scam are false. This administration is not friendly toward American citizens owning cars and guns. Or even having gasoline to operate the ones they own.

Even lamestream media would pick up an accomplishment such as this and twisted it into a “good” thing such as they did with the Unaffordable Health Care act.

In fact one “prominent” inappropriately named Arizona newspaper reported that health care rates are likely to go up this year. Due to “competition,” however, they are not likely to rise that much. The fact is that Obamadoesntcare has doubled, and even tripled in some cases, the premiums people have had to pay. It is actually the case of the blood and turnip analogy.

Here are some tips for those who might be taken in by satirical articles. Find the source of the original article. Web sites such as National Report and Empire News are the Internet equivalent of the political cartoon run by people who cannot draw. Check for a disclaimer. It might not be posted on their front page, but will be found in their about page or some where else on the web site.

The upside of this article is that we found a way to use the funny Smart car graphic circulating the Internet.

Row, Row, Row your boat, to get government benefits.

10532458_10203862247492549_215813082528643457_nThis photo appeared on the Facebook page of Gene McVay. It is reported to be a group of American seniors stopped by the Coast Guard off the coast of Texas on July 29.

The story goes:

The Coast Guard intercepted this boat off the Texas coast today.

The boat was not heading to the US, but towards Mexico and central America.

Another surprise finding was that the people were American senior citizens. Their claim was that they were trying to get to Guatemala or Southern Mexico so they could return to the US as illegal immigrants. Then they would be entitled to far more benefits than they had earned as legitimate American retirees after working for 40 years.

It is believed the Coast Guard gave them food and water and turned them loose?

If they come back with tattoos covering their bodies they could get a lollipop from Texas representative Sheila Jackson Lee.

German Chancellor Merkel receives birthday greeting

merkel-BBCBBC News reported that German Chancellor Angela Merkel received a birthday serenade during a recent press conference. Chancellor Merkel turned 60 on July 17 and reported that she received flowers from other leaders of the EU. It is not widely reported that the NSA sent a birthday greeting and Bit Coin to her IPhone.