Tag Archives: Humor

Calendars turn to 2016. Government officials unable to intercede.

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calendarWORLD — Last night at about midnight, it appears that it turned to 2016.

Official of the F.B.I. stated that they knew exactly when and where the event would happen, but were powerless to stop it.

“There was really nothing we could do,” an official of the agency told us under conditions of anonymity.

Officials at the Department of Homeland Security have yet to issue a statement.

One source quotes Ahmed Mohamed as saying, “Oh, yeah. You can’t stop the clock.”

Keely Mullen, founder of the Million Student March, stated, “What? When did this—like—happen? The government should have warned us! They need to send us new calendars.”

It is currently unclear what this event means for the near future. Government officials give different versions both good and bad. “But we should concentrate on Battlefield America,” Senator John McCain said. “After all, it is an election year.”

Rain possible through Columbus day(?)

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300-columbus-dayWILLIAMS — I see by the old calendar on the wall that it looks like we could have rain over Columbus day next week.

The long-range forecast shows a chance of rain moving in Wednesday night through Sunday. There will be a slight chance of rain for most of the later week except for the 30% chance Thursday. Flagstaff has a 40% chance on Thursday night.

The current long-range forecast runs through Sunday, so it is is unclear if rain will be a problem over Columbus Day next week, according to my calendar.

I must remember to wish the Canadians a Happy Thanksgiving next week.

A funny thing happened in Flagstaff. Or will happen.

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comedy-1FLAGSTAFF — We are not joking. Flagstaff will be hosting the first annual Big Pine Comedy Festival October 7 through 10. The show boasts 48 performers.

The performers will appear at different venues throughout Flagstaff. For dates, times and venues you can check the schedule at their web site.

There is also a Little Pine competition for those who want to try their hand at comedy. The Little Pine is a comedy competition open to any comic who wants to come to Flagstaff and try and win a spot on a festival showcase. There will be 2 Little Pine competitions during the festival. The first will be Friday October 9 at 6pm and the second will be Saturday October 10 at 6pm. Sets for Little Pine will be 5 minutes and if you win Little Pine you will do a festival showcase later the same night. To get booked for Little Pine simply email BigPineComedyFestival@gmail.com with the date(s) you would like to perform.

All shows (except Little Pine and The All New Material Show) are $5 at the door or people can purchase festival passes on their website or in the lobby at the haunted Hotel Weatherford Oct 7-10 for $25.

Arizona No. 47 State according to Thrillist

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Updated 11:05
ppines15-06-24-18Don’t know exactly what a Thrillist is supposed to be, but for them the science is settled (even though they apparently did no research). Michigan is the number one State to live in—Detroit being a jewel in their crown.

Arizona comes in at 47, according to this web site. We beat out Florida, Deleware and Ohio.

Why do we rank so low? Because we don’t have any good Christmas trees. Despite the fact that Kaibab sells out of Christmas tree permits yearly, they write:

Though the unmitigated beauty of its canyons and deserts is well known, the Northern part of the state actually holds the largest number of ponderosa pine trees in in the world, a fact that would hold more sway in the ranking if they weren’t completely useless as Christmas trees.

Guess we will just have to settle with the inevitable traffic from tourists around the world clogging our traffic corridors and being the Number One Gun Friendly State of the Union two years running according to Guns and Ammo; According to their research. Guess we’ll have to keep all the beautiful hiking, camping and fishing to ourselves. Not to mention the longest contiguous stretch of Route 66 in the country, historic sites and so-on.

(Music Gianluca Zanna)
Source: Detroit Free Press

Bill introduced to prevent President Obama from renaming McKinley by executive order

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Denali_Mt_McKinley

Photo by a NPS employee from Wikipedia.

WASHINGTON — was submitted by the congressional delegation of Ohio fearful that President Obama will rename McKinley to Mount Obama by executive order.

Representative Bob Gibbs of Ohio submitted H.R. 437, the text which reads:

Notwithstanding any other authority of law, the mountain located 63 degrees 04 minutes 12 seconds north, by 151 degrees 00 minutes 18 seconds west shall continue to be named and referred to for all purposes as Mount McKinley.

Okay, that is the April Fools part of the article.

Verily, the name given to the highest mountain in North America has been in dispute for some time. The Alaska Board of Geographic Names lists the mountain as Denali—meaning “the great one” in the Athabaskan language. The United States Board on Geographic Names lists it as Mount McKinley.

William_McKinley1896Efforts by Alaskan authorities have always been thwarted by the congressional delegation from Ohio—such as with this bill H.R. 437. Since being introduced in January, it moved from the House Committee on Natural Resources to the Subcommittee on Federal Lands March 2. The bill has no cosponsors.

Mount McKinley was named after William McKinley—the 25th President of the United States, serving from March 4, 1897, until his assassination in September 1901, six months into his second term. He was born in Ohio and this bill was submitted on January 21—eight days before the date of his birth in 1843.

It is rather interesting that this debate has not been given the same coverage by the media as the name of a football team.

Oxford University Press sure to please McCain

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domestic-pigJohn McCain has long opposed returning tax dollars to Arizona in the guise of fighting pork. He prefers to let others in Congress return tax dollars to their States.

According to Fox News a report out of England should please the Senator. The Oxford University Press warned its authors not to write about bacon and pork in order to avoid offending Muslims. The move by the largest university book publisher was revealed on a BBC Radio 4 program discussing free speech in light of the terrorist attack on Charle Hebdo magazine in Paris.

Sun News reported that a spokesperson to RT.com said:

the books needed to be “acceptable in other cultures” for them to be exported. The books, which are sold in over 150 countries, need to “consider a range of cultural differences and sensitivities.”

Oddly enough the idea has been attacked by both Jews and Muslims. Both Judaism and Islam abhor eating pork. Muslim labour MP Khalid Mamood is quoted as saying it is absolute and utter nonsense.

Pork is, of course, the product of pigs and made into a variety of products. Ham and bacon is the most popular.

Bacon is made out of other meats, such as turkey and chicken. Pork bacon is still the most popular. Pork bacon is used at breakfast and on a number of fast foods such as bacon cheeseburgers. Bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches are a popular fare in many parts of the United States and United Kingdom. Ham is another product of pork which is a popular addition to meals. The ham is a popular addition to the Christmas holiday in the form of the Christmas ham. Pork is also used as a supplement to beans.

There are a number of pork recipes which call for pork as a main dish. Pulled pork, pork stir-fry and pork tenderloin. Pork chops have always been a popular Sunday dish.

Apparently Oxford University Press will no longer publish books on farming.

One more problem with those electric cars

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It has recently been revealed that hybrid cars may not save you any money. Studies indicate that, when you factor in the price of the car and maintenance, it might take you decades to see any significant return. Even if gasoline prices were to reach $5 a gallon.

There is another problem which this surveillance video from December 30 shows. You might go so long between fillings that you forget where the gas cap is.

NOTE: I am aware that this is probably not a hybrid car. This is satire.

Ashton Carter as Secretary of Defense? Are you kidding me?

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Wikipedia photo by David Shankbone.

Wikipedia photo by David Shankbone.

This has got to be some kind of “punk,” right? The guy from That ’70’s show as Secretary of Defense?

I mean I know appointees “retire” so quick on him that he has to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find people. But does he have to pick a guy whose closest military experience has been to watch Demi Moore in A Few Good Men and that debacle GI Jane.

I guess he did do some Texas Ranger movie a few years ago. Come on. This is a guy who gets himself in trouble “tweeting.” I mean….

Oh. Wait a minute. That’s Ashton Kutcher. Sorry, dude. Go back to whoever you were punking.

Who is Ashton Carter?