Tag Archives: Satire

Man arrested at White House

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Early this morning while witnesses watched the total lunar eclipse, they reported that an elderly white male in a bathrobe was seen dancing around the White House. They said they thought they heard him saying, “Vote the way I want or I make moon go away forever!”

Witnesses said that several men gently guided the man into the White House while he sang If I Had a Hammer

White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre issued a statement that a dirty MAGA Republican election-denier attacked the White House, was arrested and will disappear like those non-BLM, non-antifa insurrectionist from January 6.

Chevy Chase says “I’m back!” we’re told

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Chevy Chase—a former member of the Not Ready for Prime Time Players of Saturday Night Live when it was funny—is waiting by the phone for Saturday Night Live to call and re-hire him we are told by a reliable friend of a friend who said that he heard this might be so. Thus a reliable source.

NAG has learned that while watching One American News with friends, they saw President Joe Biden stumble and fall on the steps leading up to Air Force One. It was reported that he immediately leapt up and stumbled over the coffee table while crying, “I’m back! I can do that!”

In the late ’70s, Chevy Chase used to portray President Gerald Ford stumbling around on Saturday Night Live—when it was funny—after President Ford stumbled on the steps of Air Force One.

We understand that the producers of Saturday Night Live—not funny today—refused to even look at footage of the Biden stumble. It was funny, they claim, when it was a Republican president. The White House informed the media Biden stumbled when he broke wind.

Impeachment and removal from office the only course of action

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OPINION

I find it difficult to believe that we are letting this golden opportunity slip by. It is my considered opinion that this thing should have been impeached prior to his installation in office. Let us examine the facts.

This year it is said that the so-called “Punxsutawney Phil” saw his shadow predicting an early spring. Did you see his State of the Weather? He’s obviously putting on a political rally this election year pandering to the sun tan crowd completely ignoring skiers.

And who put this Punxsutawney Phil into office? We have strong evidence that the squirrels interfered with the 2016 elections.

They have been celebrating this Ground Hog day “officially” since 1887. In 133 years there has never been a groundhog with a name other than Punxsutawney Phil. I don’t even think that is his real name. Has anyone checked his birth certificate?

This year on February 2nd, this Punxsutawney Phil supposedly saw his shadow signalling an early spring. I want to make clear that this is NOT my ground hog. We cannot wait for an election to have people who love this ground hog re-elect him. We need officials to impeach and remove this groundhog from office so our candidate, Geico Gecko has a chance to win the election this year.

{In case you are wondering, this is satire.}

Calendars turn to 2016. Government officials unable to intercede.

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calendarWORLD — Last night at about midnight, it appears that it turned to 2016.

Official of the F.B.I. stated that they knew exactly when and where the event would happen, but were powerless to stop it.

“There was really nothing we could do,” an official of the agency told us under conditions of anonymity.

Officials at the Department of Homeland Security have yet to issue a statement.

One source quotes Ahmed Mohamed as saying, “Oh, yeah. You can’t stop the clock.”

Keely Mullen, founder of the Million Student March, stated, “What? When did this—like—happen? The government should have warned us! They need to send us new calendars.”

It is currently unclear what this event means for the near future. Government officials give different versions both good and bad. “But we should concentrate on Battlefield America,” Senator John McCain said. “After all, it is an election year.”

IPhoneConservative teaches Poe’s Law

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Untitled-1
A YouTube video was published on May 20, 2015 by IPhoneConservative which will probably go viral without the warning he or she attaches.

For those that understand “Poe’s Law” no further disclaimer is required. For those that don’t………I suggest you look it up.

WikiPedia calls Poe’s Law a “literary adage” and attributes it to a post by Nathan Poe in a 2005 debate on a Christian forum concerning creation v. evolution.

POE’S LAW:

Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is uttrerly [sic] impossible to parody a Creationist in such a way that someone won’t mistake for the genuine article. Source

The idea is that one should mark their statements on the Internet because one cannot see the body language or hear the inflections in the voice of the individual to tell if it is real or sarcasm. This does not apply to writing such as the Right Wing Extremism memorandum.

He was attacking the intelligence of Christians.

IPhoneConservative admitted in one of the comments:

Folks…….this a spoof. It was never intended to be taken as a legitimate news report. Obviously two things are at play here. One, I did the job too well. Two, we have come to the stage in the Obama presidency where quite literally……….anything is possible.

Anything indeed. Just after the initial “election” of Barrack Obama, I received a series of interesting phone calls which I reported on. The most interesting was the audio I was able to obtain.

I do not have statistics on how many people actually fell into the scam. I do not know how many people actually believed that Obama was going to pay for their mortgage, car, gas or Obamaphone.

SEE ALSO:
Conservapedia

Ashton Carter as Secretary of Defense? Are you kidding me?

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Wikipedia photo by David Shankbone.

Wikipedia photo by David Shankbone.

This has got to be some kind of “punk,” right? The guy from That ’70’s show as Secretary of Defense?

I mean I know appointees “retire” so quick on him that he has to scrape the bottom of the barrel to find people. But does he have to pick a guy whose closest military experience has been to watch Demi Moore in A Few Good Men and that debacle GI Jane.

I guess he did do some Texas Ranger movie a few years ago. Come on. This is a guy who gets himself in trouble “tweeting.” I mean….

Oh. Wait a minute. That’s Ashton Kutcher. Sorry, dude. Go back to whoever you were punking.

Who is Ashton Carter?

Row, Row, Row your boat, to get government benefits.

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10532458_10203862247492549_215813082528643457_nThis photo appeared on the Facebook page of Gene McVay. It is reported to be a group of American seniors stopped by the Coast Guard off the coast of Texas on July 29.

The story goes:

The Coast Guard intercepted this boat off the Texas coast today.

The boat was not heading to the US, but towards Mexico and central America.

Another surprise finding was that the people were American senior citizens. Their claim was that they were trying to get to Guatemala or Southern Mexico so they could return to the US as illegal immigrants. Then they would be entitled to far more benefits than they had earned as legitimate American retirees after working for 40 years.

It is believed the Coast Guard gave them food and water and turned them loose?

If they come back with tattoos covering their bodies they could get a lollipop from Texas representative Sheila Jackson Lee.

German Chancellor Merkel receives birthday greeting

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merkel-BBCBBC News reported that German Chancellor Angela Merkel received a birthday serenade during a recent press conference. Chancellor Merkel turned 60 on July 17 and reported that she received flowers from other leaders of the EU. It is not widely reported that the NSA sent a birthday greeting and Bit Coin to her IPhone.

Williams to follow lead of ADOT on wrong way signage

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300px-wrong-dipstickWILLIAMS – ADOT is posting larger wrong way signs and posting them lower to the ground. The hope is that they will be more eye-catching for drivers. In recent weeks there have been several accidents caused by wrong way drivers.

The Northern Arizona Gazette has learned that the City of Williams is considering the process for signs along their one-way routes of Railroad and Bill Williams Avenue. Bill Williams Avenue is one-way going east in the direction of Flagstaff while Railroad Avenue is one-way going west toward Ash Fork. Both streets are part of the defunct Route 66 highway system.

The City of Williams will have larger signs created. They will also be posted lower to the ground. They will also have a more western-style eye-catching message to drivers going in the wrong direction.

When contacted, City Hall stated, “This is a completely satire piece. It is meant for humor only. You’ve been had.”